Musing it up, cracking self up

It is a spectacularly beautiful day today, so gorgeous that I didn't even mind the forty years it took to walk Percy to our neighborhood CVS and back because he is, as a kennel once told us, "extremely interested in exploring scent."

That is a dog-lover's way of spinning "your dog doesn't want to exercise but rather stick his nose onto the remnants of other animals' (or his own if we pass the same spot twice; smart dog) pee for as long as you'll allow."

A most-appealing tinge of fall is in the air; that slightly crisp chill that causes you to put on a long-sleeve t-shirt before heading out to get the paper and bring the kids to school. It'll dissipate by noon but it's not a mirage. It's the sort of weather that makes everyone love fall and want to bake apple pies and feel nostalgic for who knows what. And it's the sort of weather that never lasts quite long enough.

I'm having the same reaction that I do when spring lets you know it's coming: as if I am a biannual cleaning tornado, I am roaring through my home today. Watch out tchotchkes! Watch out "special papers"! Watch out pretty much everything! 

Also, I have to stay home today to wait for a signature-required package that I did, let me tell you, stay home all day yesterday waiting for but which, natch, came just after I left to get the boys. 

I will prevail today, FedEx. I will get that package. Which is not even for me. #husbandlovestoshop

Bygones. A butterfly just flitted past my window, Percy is snoring contentedly, Nutmeg is MIA (surely trolling the 'hood for who knows what) and I am literally laughing my ass off at a wildly intelligent, priceless exchange going on in a friend's Facebook feed about this video. 

Also I'm laughing because my new tennis racquet arrived and just look at the label!! #freetime #crackingownshitup

Wilson loves Em and Rogie

I'm also laughing because "It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers" is again making the rounds. It's spit-out-your-drink funny. On par with the annual haters guide to the Williams-Sonoma catalog. Seriously, go improve your day and read it.

My cold is mostly gone, although were I not in such a good mood I think I'd admit that it's not as improved as I wish it were, the Pope is in town, and in addition to the tureens of soup I've recently cooked, I've also made some delicious other stuff, not least the elephantine kale salad I just made for lunch. 

Seriously, it looks as if I have (or will have) a problem.

My Cameron's smoker box was just waiting to be rediscovered, and I happened upon it just after buying some King salmon the other day. Fortuitous. I spooned some hickory shavings inside and then smoked the fish until it was taut and mahogany-colored but still perfectly moist and tender. Sublime.

Peach and tomato season is rapidly coming to a close, so we had a last round of my favorite salad creation of the summer: Tomato, Peach, Chèvre and Herbs with Apple Vinaigrette. Also sublime. 

Last night was taco night, I'm finishing up yet another plum tart (duh) ,and who knows what this evening will bring, not least because I have literally spent three hours on Facebook today. It's possible we'll have cereal. Actually, that's impossible. But maybe waffles and fried eggs.

OK, I have to go so I can fully commit myself to this giant salad, but I want to leave you with yet another hilarious tidbit. This message, courtesy of my darling Oliver, was written last night in response to an "attack" by Jack who is a really terrific big brother 96% of the time but wasin an epically irritating mood yesterday.

What is POSD and why are the fighters smiling?

Likely you need some translation. 

School is
closed
because
Jack hit
my ear. And he pushed
me down.

Clearly Oliver is a beginner in the spelling department -I mean, in what world are SGOL and POSD school and pushed?- but I love A) that he closed the school he created in and runs out of his room and which no one has yet attended as punishment and B) his accompanying picture with clear action lines provides helpful context. 

I'm still cracking up. Jack was in hysterics too.

Deck dinner; Black hole upstairs; new outfits

T felt that our delicate flower of a newly lacquered table still wasn't ready to be set for dinner last night, so we were prompted to head outside. This gussying up of la table has been awfully good at forcing us out of our regularity: a new restaurant one night, supper al fresco the next. Lovely, lovely. T had been in a bit of a funk all afternoon because the straw he got to go on his newly laid grass seed wasn't the regular type and the soaker hose he rigged up to gently irrigate from above was too powerful, even at a slow drip, and so sent the seeds a'swimming down our street. I understand the disappointment, but "T," said I, "you remind me of a depressed, large-mouth bass and you need to get over it." At this point, I mimicked a large-mouth bass opening and shutting its droopy mouth slowly and pitifully until T smiled, just a bit.

"T," said I, "we are child-free right now, and I simply can't have you whining about. Let's go take Percy for a walk and then come home and I'll make dinner and we'll sit on the deck."

He considered this, and so I large-mouth bassed at him until he agreed. I had to keep large-mouth bassing until he finally got his Tevas on and until I actually got him walking.

"T," asked I, "are you hungry? Because you seem like you're hungry and when you're hungry, it's no good." He admitted to a pang in his stomach, and so I walked him to Le Pain Quotidien and instructed him to hop inside and purchase a coconut macaroon. He didn't even attempt to argue and afterwards seemed loads improved.

Once home, he made the excellent decision to stir up an Old Fashioned and fold the laundry. Meanwhile, I: made a plum tart; smoked a pound of King salmon over hickory chips in my smoker box; made a fruit salad and also a really lovely veggie salad of fresh tomatoes (my friend brought me more!), shaved summer squash, grated Pecorino (a softer, younger one) that my sister brought me from Italy, sliced celery and celery leaves, salt, pepper and a vinaigrette made from garlic- and lemon-infused olive oil + champagne vinegar. Isn't this pretty?

For the smoked salmon, I made a sauce of Dijon, olive oil and reduced Balsamic vinegar. Not pretty but very good. And, as always, I love the way smoking meat and fish gives the exterior such a cured look. Pretty and inviting!

Most unfortunately, I have had a hell of a migraine all day. And though I have been working in Jack's room for three days, it appears no tidier. Are any of you missing hex wrenches? Because I found so many in his various Lego bins that I can't imagine any are left in the rest of the world. Mom, the boys and I were video-calling earlier, and I showed her Jack's floor. Friends, let me tell you that she agreed that it was infinitely worse than I'd been able to describe. I quote: "How does one person even get that much stuff into a room?"

Exactly. It has been my pleasure to throw much away, but don't tell J that. The boys then showed me the new outfits they picked out and Mom bought them today.

You should see the shirts underneath: they're shiny polyester, sleeveLESS, slightly V-necked and have Angry Birds and How To Train Your Dragon imagery on them. When they remove the hoodies, they look like pimps crossed with the Beastie Boys crossed with greasers. Mom was laughing so hard she was wheezing, the boys were beaming with pride. I reminded them that they couldn't wear the slippers or shorts to school.

Jack then said, "And, we had Fruit Loops for lunch!"

Mom said, "Jack, I thought we weren't going to confess that!"

I said, "Wow, Mom, you are really getting them on the right path to head back to school."

She continued to wheeze.