Oscars, snow day, Sprouts recipe

Thanks for all the interest in the Crispy Brussels sprouts dish I've been making since being knocked off my chair at Blue Duck Tavern last Thursday. Recipe is now posted in Sides, and you can also click here. Don't wince when you see the amount of olive oil called for. It's what makes these puppies crispy. Also, don't be shy about your salt and pecorino use. The salt brightens the entire dish immeasurably and the pecorino is clutch! As perhaps are you, we are snowed in again. Yesterday's rain gave way to an overnight freeze which this morning changed hats and has blanketed us with more o' the white stuff. Lots of it. We knew yesterday school would be cancelled but I admit that when I woke up this morning and realized that anew, I suffered a brief meltdown. Pity party? Check. Now over it? As best I can be.

The boys and I watched lots of old home movies and looked at countless pictures from birthdays and fun times past. It was an hour's trip down memory lane and was delightful. Now they're watching...wait for it...Star Wars. Revenge of the Sith. Again. Whatever. They're in the basement, and I'm in the kitchen. I decided that the best way to give winter the middle finger salute would be to make a pie that screams SPRING!

Southern Cal rhubarb and Mexican strawberries I couldn't pass up at the market a few days back? Yes, thank you, good purchase. Into a pie went they. I just pulled this baby out of the oven and can't wait to enjoy it later.

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I thought this year's Oscars show was the best in some time. Ellen was terrific, Lupita looked gorgeous, Jared Leto gave a lovely speech, Matthew gave such a Matthew one. The pizza delivery was a hoot, and the selfie shot turned out great. Did y'all see it?

Ellen's Oscars selfie

DIY Light Sabers

Fellow Star Wars obsessees...do you find yourself with too few light sabers at your disposal? Do you wish for both more and a better variety? Do you long for personalized hilts a la your favorite characters? Though I never thought I would be the one to share this information with you, I am here to say that with basic trips to pool and hardware stores,  you can, in one afternoon, have an enormous selection of sabers at your disposal.

Version 1: The Simple Saber

Needs for 1-2 sabers: a swim noodle in your preferred saber laser color; aluminum tape (or silver Duck/duct tape though the aluminum tape is preferable); black Duck/duct tape; a sharp knife; scissors.

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One standard swim noodle will yield two single sabers or one double, a la Darth Maul. If you plan to make two, measure the noodle and, using your sharp knife carefully, slice it crosswise at the midpoint. Using the aluminum tape, tightly wrap one end of each noodle half. This is the hilt foundation. Then, using your scissors to cut strips, knobs and such, either recreate your favorite character's hilt or make up your own.

If you are making a double-sided saber, do not cut your noodle. Instead, keep it whole and follow the above instructions regarding aluminum and black tape use but placing the hilt at the noodle midpoint.

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The Simple Saber is great for kids (and their parents) who want to engage in full battle with no worry of injury. Swim noodles really can't do much damage, so kids can beat the crap out of each other in battle and you don't need to be too concerned. This was a GREAT birthday party activity and take-away (made one for each guest).

Version 2: The More Complex Swim Noodle Saber - PVC Hilt *This does not make a double-sided saber.

Needs for 1 single saber: a swim noodle in your preferred saber laser color; aluminum tape (or silver Duck/duct tape though the aluminum tape is preferable); black Duck/duct tape; a sharp knife; scissors, matte black plastic-compatible spray paint; 1 two-foot section of 1/2" PVC pipe; one two-foot section of 1" PVC pipe; one 1" PVC pipe cap; one 2" threaded female PVC to barbed adapter; PVC cement; grinder or some other way to shave down the 1/2" PVC cap to fit inside the 1" pipe.

As for the Simple Saber, slice your noodle in half at the midpoint. Cut the 1/2" PVC pipe in half. Cut the 1" PVC pipe in an 8" section.  The 1/2" PVC will just barely fit into the core of the noodle; this is good because you don't want the noodle flying off during battle. Grind the 1/2" PVC cap down until it can just barely fit inside the 1" PVC pipe (the starting exterior dimension of a 1/2" PVC cap is more than 1").   Attach the cap to the 1/2 pipe with the cement and then apply more cement to the outside of the cap and insert it into the 1" PVC pipe.   Now you'll have the two pipes aligned exactly coaxially.

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Then add some additional cement to the barbed adapter and position it over the the end of the 1" pipe to make the to of the hilt.   Finally, cement the bottom cap in place.   After two hours, the cement should be cured.   Spray paint with plastic-compatible paint. You don't need to paint the length of pipe that fits into the noodle.

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www.em-i-lis.com

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The Saber with PVC hilt version is great because you can switch saber laser colors based on who you're pretending to be. For example, Mace Windu has a purple saber while Darth Vader's is red. Luke had both green and blue sabers. Yoda's is green. And so forth.

Version 3: The Most Complex Hilt, No Laser (Yet) *This is an artful approach for fans who simply want to wear an awesome yet retracted saber on their belt. We've not yet attached a laser.

Needs: 1 one-inch wooden dowel; sandpaper; hacksaw; aluminum tape (or silver Duck/duct tape though the aluminum tape is preferable); black Duck/duct tape; scissors; matte black spray paint; short silver screw with large top; red Sharpie; clear spray lacquer.

Carefully research the hilt you wish to copy, unless you are creating your own. Jack wanted Qui-Gon Jinn's hilt, and this picture guided his and Tom's carpentry and subsequent paint/tape additions.

Qui-Gon Jinn's light saber hilt

Using a hacksaw and drill, Tom cut away sections from the dowel by first drilling holes and then cutting down with the hacksaw to meet the edges of the drilled holes.  Jack then smoothed them out with sandpaper. They screwed in a screw, colored the top with red Sharpie and later coated it with lacquer because Sharpie rubs off of metal after a while. The red screw was Jack's idea; stylistically, I love it!

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www.em-i-lis.com

You can't see it here, but Tom attached a piece of a plastic bottle (the plastic top of the spray paint) as a clip so that Jack can hang the hilt from his belt.

Go, fans, GO!

Fury over a bad movie! I did the sprouts!

People, I canNOT get over how much I detested the movie Gravity. Like, I am furious about having just wasted two hours on it. Sandra Bullock was an elf with horrid dialogue and hair. Why did she change so many times between multiple space suits and the spandex undies? If I had to watch her in the effing "womb" or her emergence from the "primordial soup" one more time, I've have had to leave my couch. AS IF you can hopscotch across space with nothing more than a fire extinguisher popping you to oddly contiguous and proximate space stations. And then her fiery survival pod just happens to release into a hellball shooting her towards Earth safely, reentry angle be damned. Naturally, she makes it and lands in Fijian perfection the idiocy of which is not least that the water was no more than 15 feet deep. Luckily, her drowning pod forms a water bell and all is well in the world. She perseveres, she swims, she crawls, she emerges. Does anyone think that THREE TIMES in the breathing-CO2-as-air situation doesn't have some after-effects? It is one thing to be creative but it is yet another to have absolutely ZERO probability of realism or possibility when you are sort of purporting just that. Why were all the space stations in such shitty disrepair? How flipping strong was the original Russian, natch, disaster that caused all this armageddon debris to repeatedly race around Earth like Usain Bolt in the 100 screwing everything in its path?

If Sandra gets best actress and/or Alfonso best director, I might just write off the Academy forever. Titanic was offense enough, but this movie was even worse in the dialogue department and so unbelievably offensive in the "please just suspend belief and enjoy" category that I could die. Tom says: "Castaway in space." I say, "As if; don't waste your time." Like we just did.

And PS, George Clooney, you are always a sight for the eyes but I find it hard to believe that while Sharif and Ryan toil, you just jet-pack around the spacecraft for shits and giggles.

We watched Dallas Buyers Club last night. That was MUCH better. ~~~~ On a much better note, I successfully replicated the incredible Brussels sprouts from Blue Duck Tavern. It's all about the hot oil bath!

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