On fumes; funny stuff to the rescue

Ok, y’all. I really need winter break to arrive. Also, some winter would be nice. I had shorts on for part of yesterday, and it was 70 degrees today. Uncool in mid-December, but since billionaires are jetting to space in penis rockets, emitting more carbon than most individuals will use/exhaust in a lifetime, I think old climate change is here to stay. Hmmph.

Oliver has one more day of school; Jack has several. No one is motivated, everyone is tired. Omicron appears to be everywhere, and I am so GD sick of Covid. At this point my attitude is, essentially, “Well, I’m probably not gonna die.”

Anyway, I have come across some real gems this week that I simply must share with y’all.

Exhibit A is this Little Golden Book-inspired delight which conjures my feelings about all members of the GOP minus, a bit, Liz Cheney. Liz is awesome on the 1/6 Commission, but she is chapping my ass left and right for refusing to vote for voting rights legislation. She is Dick’s daughter… Anyway, I don’t think she’s an asshole, so there you have it. But the rest are. Don’t even get me started about the GD Power Point used to plan the insurrection.

hahahaha

This obituary is the stuff of legends. I swear to g, y’all MUST read it. Rest in peace, Renay. You sure lived life.

Hers was a bawdy, rowdy life lived large, broke and loud. We thought Renay could not be killed. God knows, people tried. A lot. Renay has been toying with death for a decades, but always beating it and running off in her silver Chevy Nova.

Lastly, I present you with this Tweet, on its own as it’s perfect.

I mean…who designed that? who, then, brought it to “life”? What an ugly-ass ridiculous statue.

Now, if anyone ever sees this shirt for sale, please let me know. I feel I need one. Thank you.

O tannenbaum

Today was the day! Ol was out with friends, Tom was in WV, and Jack was being Grinchy, so I went and picked our tree out by myself. Doing so was so delightful that I gave the teenager who helped me a big tip. The tree is a concolor fir (never heard of it before, but I like its needles), and although it’s not as tall as those we usually get, it’s trunk is quite wide. To fit it in our stand, I had to rev up my chainsaw and trim a good inch and a half. I forgot how therapeutic and fun my chainsaw is.

Anyway, Jack came out and said, “I can’t believe you went without me. I really did want to go. I was just trying to be annoying.”

Well, buddy, you were.

Chastened, he helped me me carry it in, and I started in on the lights. In my opinion, a great tree has tiny white lights, tons of them, and a metric ton of colorful ornaments. Like, the tree should look tastefully bedazzled from every perspective. Today, I had a good bit of my last light strand left so dragged over a house plant and lit it too.

Ol wasn’t home yet so I couldn’t decorate much more or he would be positively outraged. My friend Katherine brings neat ornaments from far-flung places, so I put ones from Laos and China on the plant, added an okra-pod angel, and sat on my hands until I’d picked up Ol.

Ol bought Nutmeg and Ruth a present and wrapped it today so we’d have a first gift.

Once home, we turned on Christmas music and got busy. It was as wonderful as ever.

Aren’t the Enenamen fabulous? A marketer for Fleet had some real fun one day. Can you imagine being the one to create caped enema superheroes? I am so glad my dad gave these to me. The big red ball is from Tiffany, the cardinal (and the other two on the tree) are memories of Nanny and other beloved relatives who are no longer with us, and I do like to keep support for causes going year round, so let’s hear it for PRIDE and women’s rights. Also, London and New York.

a firetruck given to Jack by Mom and Dad when J was little; more PRIDE; John Deer tractor; You Are My Sunshine painted by my great aunt; Baby Yoda; Northwestern (my alma mater); the blue and white Amsterdam city scape I bought when Tom and I lived there way the heck back in 2004.

Liberty Leading the People! a homemade wreath! wine grapes! teardrops I’d given to Nanny and then got back after she died! Statue of Liberty! a sword!

Oliver did a beautiful job decorating our mantel and really, much of the first floor. And on their way back in town, Mom and Dad swung by and hung a few ornaments too. A lovely afternoon.

Goats and boosters and December

I got my Covid booster today, y’all, and I am grateful AF. I stuck with Moderna, and my body is again letting me know that it does not like anything about this virus. Hooboy, I do not feel good. I have a blinding headache, some nausea, fatigue, and my arm is sore. Better than my response to Dose 2, same’ish as Dose 1. The pharmacist said that he thinks everyone will need a 4th shot roughly six months after their 3rd. You have to wonder when/if we’ll manage to get this pandemic under control. Thank you anti-vaxxers and conspiracy loons who aren’t doing your part. All the rest of us are thrilled to still be decidedly not back to normal.

And today there was another school shooting! And SCOTUS will probably uphold Mississippi’s abortion ban, thereby overturning Roe! And Lauren Boebert attacked Ilhan Omar with hideous Islamophobia and now Rep Omar received an incredibly gruesome death threat! It goes on and on, but I’ll stop there and switch to some exciting news.

We bought four of the lawnmower goats and absolutely love them. This is Lefty, a sweetie who had listeria and only turned in left circles for a while.

Lefty

And this is Apple, so named because she is extremely aggressive when we give the goats apples as treats. The woman we bought the goats from thinks Apple is pregnant. The father? Stinky Billy!

Apple

This is Jemima, so named because I have always wanted a pet named Jemima. Word on the street is that Jemima is also pregnant (also Billy), and I will tell you that she is really starting to look it.

Jemima

And lastly is Rambo, a dear castrated male.

Rambo

We get to see them again on Friday, and I can’t wait. During our last visit, we started introducing grain and hay to supplement their diet over the winter. They were EXTREMELY excited, and at one point, three of them had their heads crammed into one bucket of grain. Because of this ridiculousness, I went to Tractor Supply and bought four buckets that can be hung over gate rails and also one salt block. At one point, three of them were licking the salt block like it was the most sublime meal in the world, and later, despite each having his/her own grain pail, they continued to butt and play musical chairs with the buckets. They are very amusing.

The thought of baby goats at Christmas (purportedly they are due around Christmas) is almost more than I can bear. What is more darling than a baby goat?

Tomorrow is December 1, and I swear it was just December 1, 2020, but here we are. I am the most joyous, enthused fan of Christmas and started decorating the day after Thanksgiving. It is my hope that I feel totally fine tomorrow so that the boys and I can go get a tree and get busy with our lights and ornaments.

I treasure my boxes of ornaments. Some were Nanny’s, and I am always struck how fragile yet strong they are, what to have lasted all these decades despite being the thinnest sheet of glass. Mom and Dad and Tom’s mom have given us many, too. First home, baby’s first Christmas, one from the Obama presidency, felt enemas (the Fleet’s Enenamen) given to my Dad by a pharma rep one year (Dad was a GI), at least a dozen tributes to New York, souvenirs from trips abroad, treasures crafted by Jack and Oliver’s tiny fingers over their early years, others from Tom’s and my childhoods.

As we hang each ornament, we share its story, its history, its provenance. Some are cheap, one was a gift from Tiffany, some are ugly, many are stunning. They track interests and dates and they allow us to connect in memory and nostalgia. Trimming our tree each year is one of my favorite activities. Here’s to feeling good tomorrow and heading to the tree stand!

And in the meantime, Happy Hanukkah to all celebrating. Chag Sameach!