On painting and gloss

A repost because the sentiments largely stand and I did, in fact, paint a room today!

Under the Gloss

Originally posted Oct, 2015:

For the past several months, the color of our basement bathroom's walls has made me feel peevish. I get a burr in my butt every time I go in there.

The lovely shade of green I once found peaceful and whose name, Sweet Caroline, I continue to adore, lately smacks of institutional hallways in need of scrubbing and better lighting. 

On Tuesday, Jack stayed home with an upset stomach, and during our hours together, I began outlining the dingy green room with thick strips of bright blue painter's tape. Pull, rip, align and press. Pull, rip, align and press. And on and on, in fits and starts, long strips and short ones, around the corners and up and down.

Yesterday, I finished the first coat of Smoke Embers plus 25%, a soothing dove gray. Already I feel the burrs slinking away.

I love to paint walls, or any flat expanse really. There before me lies the proverbial empty canvas, ready to be given new life with little more than a clean brush and a freshly shaken gallon.

Up and down I roll the brush, pausing only to dip it in more paint or check for spots I’ve missed. It’s meditation in action. Not only is a room transformed, colored anew with promise, but so too is my mind, blissfully unfettered now from having focused on just one repetitive task for the unknown number of minutes that have swept by.

This sort of focus, on a basic job that requires concentration but little other effort, allows me to both lose myself and remain present. My subconscious mind can flit and flutter, processing all manner of idea and query on which I may have been noodling.

During the brief, intimate time I spend with the walls, I see cracks and imperfections that I didn’t before. I run my fingers over slightly protruding nails, the drips and scuffs, the unknown gunk that landed on the surface one day and decided to stick.

It's not a perfect plane underneath an aging coat of shine but rather an imperfect thing that's been added to and taken from over the years. It has supported and weathered, been asked to hide and also to bare itself completely. I like being reminded of this. I like knowing these walls better.

The walls are much like people really, even those who seem glossy and impervious to bump or fault but who, of course, aren’t. It’s worth taking time to get to know people, and it’s worth letting people really get to know us.

In all the ways society today makes us feel more connected, I think it often does so only superficially. It’s so easy to show and share only what we want others to see; impressions more than selves. A coat of paint rather than the supporting structure.

But what’s lost is depth. History. Knowing. Being known. Being proudly unique and proudly fallible, for each of us is both original and imperfect. That’s what makes us human.

Three girlfriends came for breakfast this morning. One brought fruit, unwashed and still in the plastic clamshells, and apologized for that. Another teared up as we talked about our kids and our pride in and worries for them, and she apologized for that.

But I couldn’t have been happier because plastic clamshells and random tears are just real life slowing down long enough on a busy Friday morning to wash fruit and share a Kleenex or two with unvarnished friends. That’s what’s under gloss. No apologies needed. 

Taking action

You simply can't believe the wind today. It's a never-ending current of gale-force bluster. Leaves whip through the air so fast you wonder if you really saw them. The trees' flexibility gives me yet another reason to respect and treasure them. The boys are high in the branches of one, and I am vaguely concerned they'll be blown out. The sky is marbleized in shades of blue, gray, and white, and my home is groaning and squeaking in unfamiliar ways. It's all a bit wild which feels appropriate really, given the state of much of America since the election.  

I have made more calls to state and national representatives this past week than in any other time period in my life. I called the House Oversight Committee (202-225-5074) to plead for a bipartisan review of Donald Trump's financials and apparent conflicts of interest. It took just a couple minutes, and the HOC is tallying calls - the more they get, the more likely the Committee is to demand ALL of Trump’s financial information. 

If you, too, are concerned about Trump's complete lack of transparency, please consider calling. The HOC will likely be closed most of Thanksgiving week, so I suggest trying tomorrow/ Monday. A decision will be rendered shortly thereafter. If you don't reach a person, feel free to leave a voicemail or keep trying. 

Unsure about what to say? Here's a starting point:

"Hello, my name is ________, and I live in [city/state]. I'm calling you today to ask that you request a thorough review of Mr. Trumps widespread business interests around the globe. I have deep concerns about a financial conflict of interest and what that means for our country. I am especially troubled by the fact that he never released his tax returns and that his children, who run his businesses, are on his transition team. Please encourage a bipartisan review of his financials."

I also called Paul Ryan's office as he is soliciting feedback on the proposed repeal of the Affordable Care Act. It's not a perfect bill, but I support it wholeheartedly. Do you want thousands of people to be stripped of health insurance? I don't. The Republicans haven't put forth any sort of plan for what might replace the ACA. So, if you, too, support leaving the ACA intact, please call Ryan's office: 202-225-3031.

Then, sit tight through the minute or two of silence. You will get a prompt regarding the ACA survey. Press 2 to participate. Then sit through the female-voiced description of Paul Ryan's position on the ACA, and press 1 to register your support for keeping it.

I have also called Chuck Schumer (202-224-6542), the Senate minority leader, to plead with him to continue opposing the appointment of Steve Bannon, known white nationalist, anti-semite, wife-abusing, sexist man Trump has named his chief strategist. See the above script for a starting point and alter accordingly.

And this morning I had the absolute pleasure of joining a group of neighbors at the Episcopal church near us that was vandalized with racist sentiment after the election. We held signs of solidarity and support and handed out yellow flowers of friendship. It was heartening to find other groups there too, standing against hate.

I believe fake/extremely exaggerated news and the spread of it were terribly problematic elements of this year's election. I have committed to sourcing and verifying news before I share it, to the very best of my ability, and I beseech you to do this same. This list, one of many, of conservative and liberal sites have been fact-checked and proved to fall somewhere on the spectrum of somewhat untrustworthy to pants-on-fire lies. Please also consider refusing to share lies and false information. We don't need our citizenry any more uninformed and politically ignorant than it already is.

I have engaged in many conversations this week about racism and heteronormative and white privilege. They are not always comfortable discussions, but this is not the time to sit idly by. The lack of education and degree of misinformation out there is staggering.

The more Trump tweets thin-skinned reactions, nominates ideologically extreme racists (Flynn, Sessions) to major positions, and brings his children in to meetings with foreign leaders, the more his supporters stay quiet in the face of his racist picks but loudly boo the cast of Hamilton and vandalize churches and schools, the more we must fight back, act, and do everything we can to attempt to protect our country from falling into a grossly mismanaged kleptocracy that has nothing to do with most of its citizens.

I am deeply worried, full of rage, and very sad. The only thing to do is speak up and act!

The Good Men Project

Today I was thrilled to make my debut on The Good Men Project, a site that seeks to best understand, and encourage action on, what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. My essay, What's Right Is Always Worth the Fight, is about watching last week's election with Jack and also about the larger responsibility and opportunity I feel I have as a mother raising two sons. 

Today also found me spending many hours with friends. I joined one in her kitchen to debrief about the election and also catch up as we rarely have enough time together. Over cups of tea and honest conversation, we made a double batch of Nanny's Cranberry Sauce for our Thanksgiving tables. I can't adequately tell you how much it means to me that so many have adopted one of Nanny's recipes as their own.

Later, I took a long walk with another friend, another woman of whom I'm deeply fond and never have enough time with. It was a beautiful fall day, albeit unseasonably warm, and it felt good to stride up and down hills together, admiring the foliage and feeling the sun's heat on our cheeks.

My throat aches tonight, and I am taking myself to bed with a new book, Hillbilly Elegy. As Trump announces his appointees, I find myself increasingly worried about the future of our country. Jeff Sessions, an on-the-record racist, and Mike Flynn, an outspoken anti-Islamist, are not tolerant men. Please, friends, take action against this bigotry!