Worked to failure

So I finally followed up on the complimentary personal training session I got when I joined the gym 14 months ago, and I am now less energetic than an elderly slug. Wow. It was definitely an enjoyable experience in the whole accomplishment, good kind of pain/exhaustion way, but the aftermath tomorrow is going to be rough. I also learned that while I remain slender, my fitness level has plummeted. I guess reading Us Weekly on the bike is really not challenging me much. Gawd, I am, literally, completely enervated. I was thrilled by the idea of tomorrow being the first day in a very long while that I seemed to have nothing on the books, but wham! I must have been insane to think such a thing was possible in the current clime that is my life. Jack came down with a headache and fever this afternoon, so instead of regaining any modicum of sanity and reserve, I will instead probably be ministering to a sick little boy. I love my darlings, but parenting sick kids is rarely fun or relaxing. Have I done something karmically wrong for which I've been tasked to pay now? Seriously, I feel like I'm on some Nazi tread-wheel and no one will let me off, despite my every effort to jump ship. I want to stop running; the thought of doing so feels all-encompassing at times lately. A visual might be the scene in The Hours where Laura runs away to the hotel to read, to escape, and the waves wash over her and she feels as if a cancer patient must after receiving a dose of morphine. I want to check in!

I guess, in essence, I feel worked to failure in the physically but also emotionally. I want to shed responsibilities as quickly as possible, but I don't feel I can. Which would I? How? They all seem critical in various ways. And I really don't think I feel that way because I'm a type-A person who has a slight tendency towards perfectionism. That's true, but life is asking more of me right now than I can give anymore, more than I want to give, more than I could even hope or want to perfect. Good enough is my mantra right now, and even that seems monumentally challenging. Have I mentioned that we leave for Chicago at 10am on Friday morning?

And with that, I just ordered take-out. With some sadness.

Photo evidence of my hubs, farm trip, annoying leering from next door

Do y'all know what I despise and incenses me? Workers who leer at women. Take an effing picture you nasty dudes, or at least learn to look with respect rather than some gross, slimy desire. My neighbor is having a bunch of landscaping work done, and I feel like I'm housebound and/or racing to/from my car when I leave because of the nasty looks. Thus is true whether I'm wearing sweatpants or workout clothes. Get a magazine. Gross! Oliver and I spent the morning at a local farm and pumpkin patch for his first school field trip. One of his two best buddies (and his mom) rode with us, and the boys held hands and laughed constantly. Adorable!! I needed this shot in the arm because Oliver was a complete whiny arse for the two hours before we left. I actively disliked him so was happy to have such a lovely and completely opposite experience afterwards. He picked four pumpkins, loved the hay ride and farm animals, and it happens to be an incredibly beautiful day here which is an extra bonus.

Look, evidence that my dear husband does exist!! A great pic from Elia's wedding last weekend...

Debate 2

Truly, is Romney seriously able to look himself in the mirror each day? How does Ann stomach the site of him? Did she know she was marrying a vacillating windsock who lies with abandon, who smirks with glee, who is so enamored with himself that he nearly twitches when someone applies rules to him? How is god's name is he going to pay for ANY of his grandiose ideas? I am so offended by his wild fibbing, by his refusal to respect American voters by providing them with any detail, by refusing to acknowledge any facts. I've never considered voting for Romney at all, but truly, I cannot understand why anyone voting for anything other than tax havens would. I really don't. Don't Americans care about their less fortunate fellow citizens? Doesn't anyone have any empathy or civic commitment anymore? If you do, you'd never vote for this blowfish clown. This kind of meanness is rooted in something evil. Whether or not it's conscious evil or a more subconscious relative, it's horrible. It's disconcerting. It's worrisome. It's demoralizing. The threads of this country's fabric are unraveling at a pace only equaled by that of melting polar ice caps. When did we become a country so dedicated to immediate gratification and selfishness that we'd short the future and our cohesion? Politics has become about much more than any one leader. It's become the saddest commentary on the dissolution of the foundation on which America was laid. Though I've been disappointed in Obama in a number of ways, I believe in my heart of hearts that he truly has the welfare of the country as his primary. I cannot in any way say the same for Romney, Ryan or really anyone in the GOP.