Three cheers for good food frozen, tow-truck vafanculos

I am sooooo tired. After the migraine this morning, from which I recovered around 1p, Oliver and I took a walk and then decided to run by Vace, an Italian market, for pesto sauce and pizza crusts. DC folks- pay attention here. We went to the outpost in Bethesda where parking is always tight (4 spots). I parked in the 5th spot which did have a sign about belonging to the bank but their spots are never full and I knew I’d literally be three minutes. Well, after three minutes, Oliver and I walk out to find an effing tow truck with my car all hitched up and off the ground. I started running towards the guy, Oliver and the toy chain saw in my arms, and he just stood there and said, “I’m not gonna take it but you gotta pay to get it down, $50.” Seriously people, I, who had been in a very zen mood before that, almost blew my stack. After all was said and done, I watched as Joey pulled back across the street, not 15 feet, and parked, just waiting for the next sucker. JESUS H. Vafanculo means buttface in Italian, btw. Can you imagine having such a job? What you do makes people crazy with rage, cry in public places, waste money. I think I’m glad he’s employed but that’s the only positive thing I can say about Joey.

In fact, when I told Jack the story, I added to it with the fact that Joey had cigarettes and a lighter on his front seat- I know this because the lighter fell to the ground and I saw it all. Jack could do a PSA for an anti-smoking organization; it just offends the balls off of him, so pat on my back, because so far I’m doing well on that front. He was appalled and started talking about black lungs and yellow teeth and such. It made me feel better.

Then we had a fairly melodramatic start to a playdate but all calmed down and Jack and his good pal, A, had the best afternoon together. A’s mother is one of my favorite people so our visit was a treat too.

I am now pooped and was thinking of pie + ambien for dinner, but then I remembered something wonderful: one portion of my homemade (transcendently good) meatballs were just waiting to be loved out in the freezer. They’re warming up now and the kitchen smells divine. Red wine and migraines are mortal enemies but I’m considering a glass nonetheless. Tom’s out of town again so it’ll be an early night. Aah.

Things that drive me insane!

1) You know those little metal pots of cuticle cream or lotion or whatever, each side is about the size of a silver dollar and they fit together and then you have to pry them apart to get what’s inside? These drive me absolutely bats*()t crazy. Is the product liquid gold or something and must be protected thusly? What is the point of breaking my fingernails just to get at cuticle cream? I just threw the Burt’s Bees into the garbage with a hefty amount of force and silent cursing. 2) When you’re wearing flip-flops or sandals and you get home from a walk to find the entirety of your butt and legs covered with water, dirt, whatever was on the sidewalk and was flung up and then stuck to you because of your flippy shoes. Blech!

3) When you’re taking a walk with a CHILD AND DOG and people race up to the stop sign right before the crosswalk you’re in and then slam on the breaks pretending they didn’t see you. Please people, you know you were in such a hurry that you thought you could make it through the stop before we reached the corner. Same is true for jerks who veer like nutbags through a turn even though you and your CHILD(REN)/dog/sig other have started walking through the crosswalk or worse through the street because WE have the walk signal. Eff people. Slow down.

Also: voicemail, chapped lips, grubs, migraines, climate-change deniers, birthers, people who don’t want tax reform/gun control/emissions standards, hitting my funny bone and/or stubbing my toe, drivers who are so slow and/or cautious that they are actually just really dangerous and give everyone road rage, avocados that look lovely but are all brown when you cut them open and you had just paid two freaking dollars for one. ~~

This does not drive me insane but I just saw a large gray standard poodle with hot pink bows tied around her ears. Really? Also, I read a very serious article yesterday about a woman who on a daily basis, lights candles, turns on soft music and then proceeds to give her dog a 20-minute full body massage. Really? I can’t get my husband to give me a 5-minute foot rub.

A good idea?

I am definitely NOT complaining that the deck crew is here, but as it is very wet and intermittently pouring, would today be your chosen day to play around in the electrical boxes and install the stair lights? I’m just asking.