Dinner last night

We had a lovely dinner last night!  While fixing the rest of the meal, I made a quick app of mascarpone-stuffed dates cooked for 4 minutes at 400° and then sprinkled with Maldon. Dates are ugly as balls; I mean, they just DO look like some sort of bug. But they love mascarpone and salt, and although we couldn't really look at them as we ate, the taste was divine! Then, we used Em-i-lis' Super Duper steak rub -which is just that- for the filets, alongside them served pink greens, a very good recipe I found on food52, and some great bread, and washed it all down with a delicious bottle of Napa Cab. Lastly, dessert: the "nutella" pudding. For whatever reason, it didn't set and so was more like a thick sauce. The taste was excellent, but I don't know that I'd make it again. The recipe is fairly precious, and in the process of crafting the pudding, you dirty about 9 bowls. Nonetheless, a tasty finale. At this point, Jack was still up obsessing about his Beyblade (he gave T one for V-day so that they could battle; they are actually kinda fun), so we brought him down for dessert and a few Beyblade sessions. He thought the pudding was "AWESOME." If you celebrated in some fashion last night, I hope it was lovely.

I am exceedingly glad that the boys are both at school today, and O is staying for Lunch Bunch which means an extra hour for me. I finally took the dog for the darn walk and am going to alternately clean and read the paper now. Fantastic!

Love is in the air

My sister just got engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for her. I will, however, refuse to call myself Matron of Honor if she asks me to serve as such. Matron is not moi! ;)

Overwhelmed

There are times, not terribly infrequently, where I feel like I'm looking up at an enormous tidal wave that's about to rush over me. There's nothing I can do about, no time to move, no place to seek cover, so I just stand there, anxious and horrified. For the most part, this feeling comes in the context of parenting. It's not necessarily because of the boys but it is related to them and how much they need. The needing, asking, talking, touching feels so, so constant sometimes, like an uncomfortable skin I cannot slip. On top of what I must provide them is a marriage to maintain, a dog who would be my conjoined twin if that was an available option, friends to see and talk to, volunteering to do, cleaning that never seems to end. Nowhere in much of that is me- the sleep I need to get, the books I want to read, the silence I crave, the cooking I would prefer to do in a patient and quiet manner, the no one needing a damn thing from me. As you've probably surmised, my kids wake up early and hit the ground running. By 9am, I feel like I've worked an overtime shift herding cattle (children) while also serving as a voice-activated reference book. I know I'm supposed to enjoy these years when they think I know everything rather than poo-pooing my insights as will come as the teen years near, but I really don't, and I sure don't know everything, not least about some of the things they MUST KNOW NOW. Without much childcare, I have found that when I expect I'll get some quiet time (naps, school hours, etc), I depend on it more than I know. When it's snatched from me (O won't nap, someone gets sick, there's a school vacation I forgot about, etc), I realize how little reserve I'm always running on, the proverbial fumes to the nth degree.

Yesterday, I was to deliver two cakes downtown during Ol's nap. A friend was going to come over and stay here while he slept so that I could scoot out. He didn't nap, I had to finish frosting the last cake with him underfoot, and then load up the car and him and head downtown. It was all totally fine, but I realized just how much I wish I could count on the little things, like the damn nap. And when last night finally arrived, there was still all the laundry, the Valentine's treats to wrap and ready, the dog had never been walked and so on. When Tom told me he needed to work late, I was like, hallelujah, take-out and the couch, here I come. I was asleep by 9, and the whole thing began anew today.

I haven't even begun to put together our dinner, and I know T wouldn't even care if I didn't. But it's Valentine's Day, and he's leaving first thing in the morning and won't be home until Sunday. Remember, there's that marriage that needs to be maintained- not to mention that making dinner is actually something I want to do. I haven't walked the dog, haven't exercised, haven't seen the paper, haven't even had a glass of water since our playdate this morning. It's just overwhelming, you know?