Have just reached land

I swear to you that by 3:30 today, I felt as if I were stranded in the ocean and had been doggie paddling for days with no land in sight. Just as I was about to call it quits, the boys acceded to watching TV albeit under the agreement that one watch upstairs and one downstairs because god forbid they should share a show. I thought I might, thusly, have reached land and been saved, but no, there were multiple meltdowns about my unwillingness to cook a second dinner after the show, to share my bubble water with Oliver who had a mouthful of nuts and so forth. Crying in the bath, "do I really have to wear pajamas tonight? What about my police gear?", on and on until I decreed that bedtime was nigh, we would not be having stories or seconds on milk and that was that.Jack is asleep in the basement as of 12 minutes ago (6:02p EST peeps) and Oliver is wailing for more milk but I just cannot go in for seconds here. I mean, really, I just reached land safe and sound. Why would I throw myself back in with the circling sharks?!

I'm thinking about a brownie bake-off tonight, but I'm also thinking about crashing on the couch and calling it quits.

Cooking for one

In the food-writing world, much has been written and pondered about cooking for one- why might the cook be doing so? It's interesting to consider how one's context might change the experience of solo cooking: did children just leave for camp or college; is a partner out of town; was there a death; a divorce? In such situations, cooking might seem bleak, lonely, for sustenance only, or, on the other end of the spectrum, a gift of time alone in the kitchen, cooking only for one's self, allowing that person to ask: what do I want to eat? What sounds good to me? I love to cook for my family, but sometimes it's nice to do it just for me, just for one. T headed off on a work trip this morning so I've got two evenings on my own. Although I rarely(!) tire of being with T, in my context, right now, I'm looking forward to these nights, to the few hours after the kids go to bed, when I can putter, finally clean out my fridge, cook whatever I want, and just be.

Reminiscing over the years when I was single, during times happily and unhappily so, I remember how much I enjoyed quiet evenings alone with my little dinner and some reading spread in front of me, soft music playing, a cocktail or glass of wine or not. I've never been the type who could be with people all the time, never the type who even wanted that. And though I often think about why motherhood is hard, the lack of being able to be alone at times determined by me versus those determined by my children being asleep, isn't something I often consider. But as I write this, thinking with joyful anticipation about my two nights and all I want to do with them (but know I won't do 50% of it), I feel like I've put a piece of the puzzle into place. It's not just me I miss sometimes but also that time to be with myself, to figure out and nurture who that woman is, who she wants to be.

I don't have a plan for dinner yet tonight but it'll probably be something veggie-centric with some delicious bread and maybe the slightest bit of chocolate afterwards. Maybe I'll make something up, maybe I'll put together an old favorite. Whatever it is, it'll just be for me though, and as the evenings alone are so rare, I'll give myself a cheers and send one out to you too.

School

If your children are not yet back in school, but you wish they were, then you will know what I mean when I say HOW CAN THERE BE TWO WEEKS OF BREAK LEFT??!!