L'insalata, la marmellata e i prodotti che mi piacciono

Or, the salad, the jam, and products I like... I just could not make it to Italian tonight so am attempting to infuse my evening with l'italiano in other ways. Do you know what I knew but didn't really know? By which I mean I totally knew and know but don't want to acknowledge? That T is out of town, and tomorrow I must pack for the boys and me because on Friday morning at 4:15AM, a cab is coming to pick us up and take us to the airport. When I agreed to a 5:45am flight, I clearly did not do the back-pedal math on what time that meant I'd have to leave the house. With the boys. At that time Tom was going to be in town so it was all slightly more palatable. The upside is that we land in Lake Charles (after two flights) at the youthful time of 9:20am. Can you even believe we will have boarded in DC, deplaned in TX, boarded in TX and deplaned in LA by 9:20am?? I am glad my eager parents are on the other end because I might have to nap. Soon after arrival.

But back to il soggetto. The subject. For my solo dinner tonight, I opted for a simple, casually composed salad. And a fair amount of wine. But that's not the main event, so... I love a good, hearty, satisfying salad and served alongside this beauty some multigrain bread and olive hummus. Earlier today I had big plans to make a dessert but those fell by the wayside and instead, I made jam, la marmellata. Really, as I've just acknowledged in just how few hours I'm leaving town, it would be criminal not to manage the cornucopia of gorgeous summer produce I currently have in my kitchen. So, more jam. And tomorrow? More jam.

While it cools and before I wind up this Wednesday, I wish to share with you three new-to-me products that I highly recommend: the reusable, BPA-free snack bag; the non-plastic bulk-bin bag; and the CupCase.

I'm lucky that the school the boys attend provides an amazing lunch for them each day, but summertime and field trips are another story; for both, lunch-packing Mom am I. I've found BPA-free tupperware, washable sandwich wraps, the ubiquitous Sigg thermos and so forth, but there are some times when you feel you really need a Ziploc. I'm big on washing, drying and reusing Ziplocs but that plan is predicated on my kids bringing empty ones home. That's not gonna happen. So I was thrilled to discover these Stephen Joseph bags which: can be placed in the freezer; are top-rack dishwasher safe; are BPA-free; and support the No Kid Hungry campaign. This is a winner, in my opinion. At $5.99 for two bags, I will definitely underscore to the boys the importance of bringing these home, but they're really good about doing that with other lunch supplies so I'm not too worried. And in the meantime, I'll have such peace-of-mind in thinking about the plastic bags that aren't heading to a landfill.

I also recently pulled the trigger and bought a 3-pack of these MotheringMother cotton sacks with strong velcro closures (the set was $7.99 or so). I'm a big utilizer of the bulk bins at places like Whole Foods: oatmeal; nuts; dried fruits; the sesame sticks Ol loves. And, as with Ziplocs used for snacks, I always hate to grab yet another plastic bag (even though I recycle them diligently) for a one-off oatmeal purchase. So far, I have been really pleased with these replacements which are sturdy, washable and sizeable enough for everything I've purchased so far. They do come in different sizes though, if you find you are a mass consumer of dried items. I bought them, as well as the S. Joseph snack bags, at my local Whole Foods.

Lastly, and this one is for the girls -literally!- I simply must tell you about the CupCase. Do you ever find yourself packing a suitcase and end up vexed about just how to safely pack your (probably expensive) bra? You do not want those cups dented or smashed as your shape will never again look as smooth and you'll forever be peevish about money down the drain. I know I am not the only one to think about this issue on a somewhat regular basis. As such, while in the Container Store last week looking for a bin that would actually contain the seeming millions of markers spewing from the boys' "organizer", when I came across this goodie in the travel aisle (I like to just troll the aisles at the C. Store; know you do too!), I jumped on it despite the what-felt-outrageous $21 price tag. It amused me to no end that it, like bras, is sized: A/B, C/D; and, the rhinestoned zipper cracked me up. Despite the fact that this puppy is sizeable, it really does work and I was not remotely (for the first time ever) worried about my lady slings in transit. Consider it gals (and pardon the mug shot-like photo)!

The space between

Many years ago, when I was an angsty teen plodding my way through high school, I spent too much time making construction paper sunflowers to turn my bedroom walls into a garden of cheerfulness I didn't always feel. I was also heavily committed to keeping a journal of quotes I found inspiring or meaningful, those that seemed to perfectly encapsulate just how I felt. In retrospect, quite a few of those were so totally cheese-tastic that I can't bear to read them today. One, "Pain is the difference between what is and what you want it to be," falls completely into the read-and-groan camp, yet it does make a good point about the purgatory space that lies between two competing entities. I knew to be true, before I went to BlogHer and communed with 4,000 other women, many of whom were mothers-in-the-weeds like me, that what I most wanted deep down was a much better balance in my life between my children and all else. I am so grateful to be able to stay home with my boys, to be the primary person raising and loving them every day. But, and it's a big one, children are like mostly-cute parasites, and the dynamic between the boys and me, presently, is not one that is healthy; they too frequently remind me of leeches gone wild, long overstaying their medicinal welcome. J&O are sucking more than their fair share, and I am burned out in a deep way. The kind of burn that comes from years of giving, being, doing, loving at 100+ percent, as opposed to that you might feel after pulling an all-nighter or pining away on an all-encompassing project for a week or two.

Let me be clear that I am not complaining. Rather, I am attempting to restructure the way the three of us interact when we are a trio so that I don't have a mess of snakes writhing in my gut by 9am each morning (anxiety). I need to be able to take and count on real breathers while my children are here; they need to learn to respect my limits and to stop demanding so much so often.

I realized when I left last Thursday that I felt almost as ill from stress and  mental fatigue as I did from the pneumonia; figurative sickness is as real and damaging as that which can be diagnosed in a petri dish, and the two in combination are negatively symbiotic. Three days with adults, learning and talking and networking and sharing, was an empowering reminder that we, each of us, are just as important and valuable, as are our children. We... I deserve just as much love and kindness as do Jack and Oliver. The happier I am, the better mother I can be, the better I can teach them that mothers aren't just moms but also women doing amazing things, in tiny and huge ways.

And so I came home with a promise to myself to stop, cease, put the brakes on the energy suckfest that often is a day with my boys. Just because they want to talk and be challenged and stimulated and amused every minute of every day does NOT mean that I need to or should be the one to provide that. And I shouldn't apologize for standing my ground for reasonable limits.

Elisa Camahort Page, a BlogHer co-founder, told us that a mother once told her that when her children complained about her working, she never apologized or demeaned her work to them. On the contrary, she said something to the effect of, "I can't do X with you right now because I get to do this exciting work, but I'll be really excited to do the next X with you later." I really liked this way of framing work: that if you have work you love, you're lucky to get to do it, and it's important/critical to take the time to do it well. Yes, my primary job is my children. That's what I chose and am enthusiastically committed to. But I am just not a 24-7 mom. I tried that, it didn't work and never will.

And as I've learned more about myself, the woman I am, what makes me happy, what makes me tick, I've been reminded that one of the best and hardest parts of life is that very dynamism. It is thrilling to, at this age, discover new passions, and it's challenging to restructure life in ways that make space for pursuing them. I believe that my boys will be better for the growth that will result from my doing that. I will too.

Facebook page created- thanks readers; Shiro plum-basil jam

Alrighty roo, thank you to all the readers who wrote with suggestions regarding my Em-i-lis Facebook page name. As it turns out, FB (like Twitter), accepts underscores, so I went with Em_i_lis which is similar to my Twitter handle, @em_i_lis. And so, if you are on FB and would like to go "like" (yes, please) my new page, you may access it here: Em-i-lis Facebook page. Oliver and I just had a ball making jam and a video together. He's a great help in the kitch, and I hope to post the video soon! Preview:

Oliver: "IT'S JAM TIME!!!"