Tough week

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By and large, this was one of those weeks where you just hang on and manage as best you can as challenges race towards you like angry, purposeful drones. Three of my and Tom's remaining grandmothers have become extremely fragile in recent weeks, and one is being moved into hospice as I write. A father was admitted to the hospital and a tiny baby left his family suddenly, shockingly and entirely too soon; dear friends are struggling mightily with that loss. As someone who loves all of these people, I have been emotionally threadbare this week, tattered by really tough news (at times downright shitty) almost every day. My heart aches for my friend's losses and feels acutely the sense that my extended family will likely shrink at some point this year, though I know how lucky I am that my boys have gotten to know so many of their great-grandparents. Add to this the requisite tests and trials of life on any given day and...well, suffice it to say that I hope next week is better. I had a sitter this afternoon, and after running several errands, I took my runny-nosed self to bed and did not move for 2.5 hours. I did succeed in making a photo album which took a frickload of time but otherwise putzed around indulgently. Amazing how hard it is to tell yourself that it's OK to do nothing- to skip the gym, not tell the kids goodnight, not shower, not do anything "valuable" with your time. But sometimes, nothing is precisely what you need, and I decided to go for it. With relish.

20 minutes ago I managed to get up and consider supper. T suggested he pick up dinner on the way home and initially I agreed. But after a bit more reflection, I considered that even when I'm tired, cooking restores me in some ways. It's comforting, usually results in a better meal than pretty much any take-out, and it provides a sense of being in control of something when the world beyond your kitchen seems quite the opposite.

So, cinnamon and garlic roasted sweet potatoes are in the oven, beets alongside them though those will head into a salad with a horseradish dressing. I'd forgotten that I'd picked up a lovely baguette earlier; with some ricotta and honey dolloped atop grilled slices of that, well...that all sounds like an excellent start to a good meal.

Sending good vibes of health and love into the inter-ether right now.

He naps! Musings on the early years, new cooking reads & ventures

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Oh my goodness, Oliver is asleep! Yay! Thank you! Thrilling! He woke me up at 5am just singing (shrieking) away in his crib. It was annoying as get-out, but when I got him some milk and brought him to my bed, he snuggled in, and all was lovey and well until the milk ran out. Although I am sure he doesn't remember nursing, we did so for 11 months, and I wonder if some sort of sense memory of comfort and closeness was set. Milk + mommy + proximity and warmth = goodness and calm. I wonder about all these sorts of experiences that kids don't remember but are affected by. On the one hand, it's sad to think that neither Jack nor Oliver will remember much in the way of specifics from their first 5 years (this is why I take pictures nearly every day and attempt to keep their scrapbooks organized), but on the other, I have to imagine that the foundations of so many things -trust, morality, work ethic, EQ, etc- are being established bit by bit, block by block during this same period. Considering that both alleviates and heightens my sense of parental responsibility. I can take a load off about any one thing, but in aggregate, what's mattering, how much and why. Interesting to think about...

Today I received the newest issue of Bon Appétit (gorgeous cover) as well as the Mozza (Nancy Silverton's joint in L.A.) cookbook I very enthusiastically treated myself to with a good Barnes & Noble coupon; I have a bad feeling about the future of that store but in the meantime will take advantage of the regular deals! As you may recall, I have waxed rhapsodic about Nancy's caramelized shallots many a time, so really, I felt I needed this book in my library.

Have I told you about the Food & Writing conference I'm attending here in DC next weekend? I'm excited- great sessions and attendees. In anticipation of a kitchen challenge, I'm going to work up a roasted jalapeño-watermelon jam today and a tapenade. Can't say more than that, but I will let you know how they taste.

Can we please see some sun?