Jack has literally talked nonstop to me for the past four hours. Much of this verbal vomit has been about Pokémon and some new, made-up creation called Gadget Gallery, an app for one's watch that has different settings like time and laser. I'm glad the boys are back to school, because while I appreciate his creativity, I think his "time" feature of a watch setting is indicative of terrifying simple-mindedness. I mean, watches are time, yes? I keep asking him for a minute's reprieve to which he responds, "In a second. I gotta finish telling you X/Y/Z." The finale never comes. Concurrently, because I promised him I would, we have been playing Monopoly. We did take a break to walk Percy down to Wagshal's where I picked up some shockingly expensive but not-from-Vietnam shrimp for dinner. We have Gulf shrimp just 1,200 miles away y'all; why do I want shrimp farmed and flown in from across the world. It's like crab from India. Wha??? I refuse.

While at the market, because I am not one who carries my pets into stores like I'm exempt from the rules (and also, because NO one would believe Percy is a seeing-eye or emotional support dog), I tied Percy up outside. Yes, it is one million degrees today, but we live about 4 minutes from Wagshal's AND he was in the shade AND we were inside for all of five minutes AND despite my frequent complaints about Percy I don't want him to die of heat stroke AND he pees inside if he doesn't get a walk, it seemed prudent to take him along.

Some imperious lady who I'm sure was sincerely concerned about Percy but who did not attempt to ascertain anything about the situation found us INSIDE the store and asked with such dripping disdain oozing from her voice like sap from a tree,

"Is that your dog out there?"

"Yes," we said, "it is."

"You know, it's really hot for a dog to have a walk," she sputtered before basically spitting at Jack and me. Even Jack had a WTF look on his face, and the cashier gave me such an empathetic look.

"I know, and we live very close by and are going straight home," I replied politely. She didn't respond but rather turned on her heel and flew out of the door with disgust. Like I said yesterday, the heat is making people angry. Jack calls it "hurious" because hangry is already taken. I thought heat + furious = hurious was quite clever. Madame Imperial was mos def hurious.

So we got Percy home, where, by the way, he immediately asked to go back outside to eat tomatoes from the low-hanging plants on my deck, and resumed Monopoly while drinking lemonade and chugging cinnamon gummy bears (well, Jack did the latter). Tom got home from the gym and decided to bond with Jack by helping him strategize. Next thing I know, I'm down several hundred, have lost my railroads AND J has hopscotched over all of my houses eight times straight.

I'm gonna be honest in telling you that my competitive nature got the best of me and I started to feel extreme pissiness rising up from within. I tried to keep it on the DL because role-modeling and all, but Jack was still talking and Tom was reminding him to seek rent when really that should be Jack's job because otherwise how will he ever learn to pay that kind of attention by himself.

Oliver, just back from a birthday party, then attempted to climb onto my shoulders while waving a new magic wand, and I, in the nicest way possible, erupted just a little and ran for the front room. Cat followed me which made me happy, and T fixed me a glass of wine which also made me feel nice.

I refuse to do bedtime, a decision about which I feel totally grand and of which I feel very deserving. I'm gonna cook the shrimp, make my rapini with vin cotto and pray to Cinemax that The Knick resumed last night.