Things that drive me insane!

1) You know those little metal pots of cuticle cream or lotion or whatever, each side is about the size of a silver dollar and they fit together and then you have to pry them apart to get what’s inside? These drive me absolutely bats*()t crazy. Is the product liquid gold or something and must be protected thusly? What is the point of breaking my fingernails just to get at cuticle cream? I just threw the Burt’s Bees into the garbage with a hefty amount of force and silent cursing. 2) When you’re wearing flip-flops or sandals and you get home from a walk to find the entirety of your butt and legs covered with water, dirt, whatever was on the sidewalk and was flung up and then stuck to you because of your flippy shoes. Blech!

3) When you’re taking a walk with a CHILD AND DOG and people race up to the stop sign right before the crosswalk you’re in and then slam on the breaks pretending they didn’t see you. Please people, you know you were in such a hurry that you thought you could make it through the stop before we reached the corner. Same is true for jerks who veer like nutbags through a turn even though you and your CHILD(REN)/dog/sig other have started walking through the crosswalk or worse through the street because WE have the walk signal. Eff people. Slow down.

Also: voicemail, chapped lips, grubs, migraines, climate-change deniers, birthers, people who don’t want tax reform/gun control/emissions standards, hitting my funny bone and/or stubbing my toe, drivers who are so slow and/or cautious that they are actually just really dangerous and give everyone road rage, avocados that look lovely but are all brown when you cut them open and you had just paid two freaking dollars for one. ~~

This does not drive me insane but I just saw a large gray standard poodle with hot pink bows tied around her ears. Really? Also, I read a very serious article yesterday about a woman who on a daily basis, lights candles, turns on soft music and then proceeds to give her dog a 20-minute full body massage. Really? I can’t get my husband to give me a 5-minute foot rub.