Today, I am furious. I am furious squared infinity times which makes me what? What is beyond furious? Vehemently furious? Rabid? Wrathful?
Come to think of it, wrathful might just hit the mark. It sounds straight up, "Bitch, don't even mess with me. I'm positively stabby right now." Which is rather accurate.
I am very tired. I'm still not 100% well, and darling Oliver has been sick since Sunday which is, incidentally, when Tom left for a four day business trip. Today I stepped in a pile of puke. There were four piles, two of the feline persuasion and two of the human kind. I stepped in the latter. It wasn't nice. Despite that...
My wrath is wholly directed at the Vulgar Yam and the fact that he seems to think we are a satanic hybrid of North Korea and any other given dictatorship. Let's say Russia. It's like a le Carré novel met an Atwood novelless and they had a baby in a hospital run by Kim Jong-un and then adopted the baby to Robert Mugabe.
Legit, we now seem to live in a country run by that baby. Who is, by the way, still a baby. A mad, spoiled, uneducated baby stamping his feet and fists about how many people attended his birthday party. He has no friends so there weren't many, but I'ma tell you what, that is an unacceptable fact and so it's a lie.
You may think you attended that party and witnessed the non-existent crowd. You might have even snapped a few pics, just for shits and giggles. But those are actually fake because millions of illegal aliens voted and said they are.
Averred Kim Trump-mugabe baby.
Kim Trump-mugabe baby then told everyone who could have possibly taken a picture at his (poorly-attended) party, and everyone who might have been texted a picture of the empty musical chairs, and anyone they might even know that they better shut.it.down. Right now. Meanwhile, Kim Trump-mugabe baby declared the day a National Day of Patriotic Devotion.
Meanwhile, Kim Trump-mugabe baby tried to color a picture, but no one could tell what his subject was. Are those trees? Is it an abstract? Is it derivative Pop Art? Kim Trump-mugabe baby was so enraged that no one knew he'd drawn a gilded mansion that he tore his picture up and abolished anything supporting the arts and humanities.
"If these bigly idiots can't see my UGE gilded manshun for what it is -UNPRESIDENTED genius work, by the way- then they're done. They're over."
Kim Trump-mugabe baby sprayed his bouffant comb over back into turban-in-the-wind place and thought. Well, he sat and watched TV. He watched a reality show of his creation and told his inflatable plastic friend how honered he was that someone wrote a show about his greatness.
In his "mind" something about women marching and not wanting him to grab their pussies without asking starts to swirl. He becomes incensed again, but having already torn his drawing to shreds, he instead calls two acquaintances: Carlsbad, NM, City Councilor, JR Doporto, and Mississippi Senator, Chris McDaniel.
JR says, "Donnie," those women "have a right to be slapped" if they protest you.
"Oh, OK, JR," blabs Kim Trump-mugabe baby. "That's good."
Chris says, "Trumpy baby, those are just unhappy liberal bitches. Answer me this: 'if they can afford all those piercings, tattoos, body paintings, signs, and plane tickets, then why do they want us to pay for their birth control?'"*
"There are so many words in your question, Chris. I just don't know the answer or the words or what it all means." replies Donnie.
"That's OK, Donnie, you don't need to." Just say that your inauguration was bigger and also illegal alien voters.
"Ok, Chris. I'm gonna go nominate someone for something now. I heard something about how we don't have any ambassadors in place, and I need some connections overseas. I wanna build a new Trump Tower. It's gonna be the best ever. UGE. Maybe in GINA. Chris? Chris? Are you there?"
*MS senator, Chris McDaniel, actually wrote that sentence (and many other fine gems) on his Facebook page two days after the Women's March. Classy guy.