February 28, 2022

The babies are here!!!!

February 28, 2022/ Em-i-lis

I have been consumed by the situation in Ukraine, and while I do plan to write about that at some time, right now I must share the happiest news.

Late on Thursday afternoon, Jemima had triplets and Apple had a single. Amazingly, they gave birth within hours of each other, and both did so without assistance or any real to do. You GO, ladies! We found out because Tom was watching the goat cameras he’s set up in the barn. “Em, Em, the babies are here!” (Later, in trying to figure out the time of birth, we came across actual footage from one camera- so cool!).

Concerned about them -would they be warm, were they nursing?- Tom hauled arse to WV that very night. Ol and I headed over after school on Friday. And there we found the most darling little creatures, all bright-eyed, clean, and walking though just a day old. Three girls and a boy.

Four kids means each of us got to name one. Tom named the boy Clyde because he has white feet like Clydesdales; I named Apple’s daughter, a little blond nugget, Beverly; Ol chose Skipper for his girl (which turned out to be a perfect name because she does skip all about); and Jack chose Millie. Millie is chocolate brown with a glossy coat and the most darling bent ears, somewhat like a Scottish Fold. They are all absolutely perfect, and by the time I left today, all were bouncing and running around in full baby goat spirit. Apple is an excellent mama. Jemima seems slightly less patient, but the woman did have three kids and she only has two teats, so…

Enjoy.

I am telling y’all, life on a farm in the sunshine with animals all around and newly-arrived babies is good stuff. I was deeply sad to leave the idyll today.

Here’s a video of Jemima’s kids bouncing and bopping along behind her.

PS: Russian warship, go fuck yourself!

I stand with Ukraine.

January 18, 2022

Free Covid tests, please donate blood, no "kids" yet but an odd burn pile

January 18, 2022/ Em-i-lis

Each family can order four free covid tests, courtesy of the federal gov and delivered by the USPS. Ordering takes less than three minutes. Click here to request yours. They begin shipping later this month.

Meanwhile, you may have heard about the desperate nationwide blood shortage, the worst in more than a decade. Banks and hospital systems usually like to stock at least 5 days worth, but most are now running on a day’s supply extra. If you can, please consider donating blood. You can search for donation sites via this Red Cross link; simply input your zip code. Additionally, many schools and community centers are hosting drives, so you can look for those in your area as well.

Monday was Tom’s birthday. He is very difficult to shop for, so we often get creative. This year, the kids created coupons which Oliver then placed throughout a homemade newspaper (entitled Newspaper) because “that’s where you find coupons, Mom.” Adorable. One of Jack’s, for example, was “I will watch a movie of your choosing without complaining,” as that is a very rare occurrence.

One of my gifts was to arrange for the professional burning of the 4-year-old burn pile we inherited in WV. Everyone just says, “throw some kerosene on it after you’ve had some snow, and let it go.” But it was a big pile, and Tom tends to be nervous, and then when I started asking, people actually said, “Oh yeah, you should call the fire department to give them a head’s up.” And then I called the previous owners, and they (fonts of info as always) told me to call the local company and see if they wanted to use our behemoth as a training fire.

This was getting better and better. So I called the Hedgesville Volunteer Fire Company, and the guy with whom I spoke was so fabulous in all ways. Communicative, responsive, on it. Out they came last Saturday evening, with two trucks, a flame torch, some metal push rakes, and a leaf blower. I think they thought it would take a couple hours. They were confident and eager, we all bundled up to watch. Would the conflagration be exhilarating? Terrifying? We locked the goats in the barn, just in case.

Friends, I am here to tell you that after NINE HOURS, everyone gave up. By then Tom had set up a zero-gravity lounge chair to watch and help, the firemen had made multiple coffee runs and even assisted with a wreck-and-run up the road, and a not insignificant amount of various accelerants had been used. I went to bed at 11p; Tom came in just after 3a. The next morning, he told me that the guys were utterly demoralized:

“This is the hottest, slowest fire I have ever seen.”
”Jesus, you should build a house out of that wood. It does not burn!”
”I wish I’d brought my 50-gallon drum of used motor oil. Man.”

But, I’d say a good 75% has been reduced to ashes, it was a terrific entertainment, we learned a great deal, including how to till and snow plow a dirt ring, and we got to support the volunteers with a donation to the company.

The goats, unperturbed as ever, never made a peep and the next morning simply looked at the smoldering mound and climbed in the Gator.

No kids yet, y’all. But boy are we having fun thinking of potential baby names. I am hot on Beverly, Angus, and Ethel. Oliver likes Ethel, Skipper, and Belzar. Jack likes Belzar. Tom hates Belzar. We’ll see.

Lastly, an enormous round of applause for Australia doing the right thing and booting Novax from the Open. And yes to this timeline of the past decades. Good god.

January 08, 2022

Cold & funny

January 08, 2022/ Em-i-lis

Ok, so on Friday, it snowed in our part of WV, and after a certain point of citizen population, street plowing sort of cuts out. The wonderful cat ‘n goat caretaker could not get here, and by mid-afternoon, I was slightly frantic about the animals. Ol was sick as all hell from his booster, so I picked him up early from school, dropped him at home, hopped in Tom’s car, which has 4-wheel drive, and hauled it up to WV.

Upon arrival, I found Lefty screaming frantically and the other 3 in various stages of distress. They could have been punking me for all I know; I AM that “sees puppy eyes on any being and immediately throws all amount of food and love their way” individual. The male cats seemed enormously happy to see me; the lone lady was calming licking her paws when I entered the barn.

Everyone got lots of extra food and love, and then I headed inside to enjoy a solitary dinner and attend a virtual book launch with Jamie Raskin. Mom and Dad were watching from Chevy Chase, and the entire time, Mom and I texted each other in such ways:

Screen Shot 2022-01-08 at 8.27.44 PM.png

Screen Shot 2022-01-08 at 8.28.01 PM.png

A few hours after we parted ways with Jamie, the power cut out in WV, and I was overly thankful for the ridiculously heavy comforter insert I’d bought for our duvet. I slept like a baby, but when I awoke, the inside house temp was 53 degrees. Mary, mother of god. Because I am perky AF when I’m out here, though, I peed, realized I could not flush the toilet because water pumps need electricity, and then realized I could not make coffee because of aforementioned lack of water and electricity. So, I bundled up in 90 layers and skipped out to the barn, the cats (who sleep in the garage at night) in tow.

Lefty started screaming, Rambo commenced neighing, Jemima (who, at this point, appears to be in late-stage-pregnancy-I-look-to-have-twins FUCK YOU state) glared, and Apple stared. I measured out feed as quickly as possible and threw myself into their part of the barn. The hay net was the saddest deflated balloon; upon inspection, I saw that purposefully or not, they’d bitten holes in it and gotten every strand of hay out. A hat tip to you ruminants!

I raced back inside, started a fire, and refilled all the bird feeders. Immediately, the backyard was an aviary. I nearly perished of delight. Cardinals, titmice, juncos, nuthatches, woodpeckers! And then, lo! Around 9a, the power was restored. Coffee! Heater! Toilets!

It is now 8:34p, and we have finally reached 66 degrees inside. Ol and Tom arrived in the meantime, and we all sledded, plowed, played, etc. Good stuff.