Red carpet remarks: before the show


People, I love the Academy Awards for all its delicious pomp and glamour. I covet the enormous ball gowns and borrowed diamonds dripping from swan-like necks. I fixate on the colors and hair styles and the handsome sea of tuxes. I love the red carpet itself though I'm less enamored of the emcees whose wannabe groveling tends to make me feel sad. I love the eight-and-a-half pound Oscar and those speeches that don't seem overly practiced. Tremendous, for-the-books acting that's blown everyone away is often, but not always, rightfully honored. For example, Tom Hulse was robbed when he played, but didn't win for, Mozart in Amadeus. But Adrian Brody winning for The Pianist? Outstanding!

Less frequently, excellent movies are made and properly rewarded. I mean, Titanic was best picture??? I think not. Barf, gag, wanna freeze to death myself.

I do not understand the why behind animated foreign short documentaries, and I regularly wonder why so very many of the best actors and actresses are British. Man, they have the corner on the market there. Makes me want to move because the accent + good acting + tuxedos? Mah gah.

But overall, it's a fun evening, and I've watched the Awards every year for most of my life (not least because my parents have hosted an annual Academy Awards party since 1981). Let me pause while I pour some bubbly...

Ok, I'm slightly less excited about tonight's show because, as you may recall, I HATED, LOATHED, DESPISED Boyhood and Ellar Coltrane and Patricia Arquette in it. I feel too confident that that infernal film will win Best Picture and that dysfunctional, loser-man-magnet (in the movie) P. Arquette will take home Best Supporting Actress. Sigh. And if Richard effing Linklater wins Best Director because he freaking took one week a year for twelve years to film some sad sacks growing up, well shit. I'll be a glum muffin.

Not least because The Grand Budapest Hotel was as creative, infinitely delightful, better cast,

The Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor nominees this year are outstanding, and I'm definitely rooting for front-runner Best Actress nom, Julianne Moore.

Off to drool over dresses!